Waiting

She cries. and with every suffocating breath gasps for air. Sounds like some dark interlude to a horror flick doesnt it? Nope, just her life.
She hurts. She cries. But takes it as it comes. Now it's just built up too much. She screams but no one seems to hear. She's mad as hell, but no one seems to see. "Just get over it" they say. It will all look better in the morning she's been told. But she has spent a lifetime trying to read them...figure out their thoughts. Now she is sick of it. Tired. Wanting and searching for that one person who knows where she has been, is hurting just like she is-so maybe just maybe she isn't going this dreadful horrible road alone. Sure HE is the Ultimate....but even HE needed the love of a friend.....Even HE cried out. Apparently the struggle has become invisible....or possibly to ugly for them to acknowledge.
He is refuses to admit he hurt her...and she is obvious to the fact that she hurt her girl....and so it keeps going.
They say time heals everything....but she is still waiting. She has paid a price by being there for everyone...and she will keep paying...even if they use her.
The glances...the crude remarks.....the all too familiar "you are making too much out of it" "don't think about it so much and it won't be such a deal to you overcome."........why does she expect more...or anything different? They have turned their back on her...refused to see the ugliness of the situation....told her to suck it up....and rebuild...be the bigger person they say. So that is what she has done....and continues to do so. But now is tired....wishing for just a moment she didn't have to be the responsible one...the one with everything to overcome...the one who has to care...the one who everything little thing hits...Somedays she has just felt like giving up-not giving a crap anymore..and today is one of those days. And with every command she feels the strain of invisible arms holding her down...pulling her in every direction but the one that will set her free. The bow hits the violin pulling the strings back and fourth...killing the silence. She can feel everything that she is scream. She is sick of the lack of understanding. Sick of feeling alone. She isn't sure where to go from here. What to think from here. She feels tainted. Used. Mislead. not good enough. and not all of it obviously is pending on the past...somehow it has crept through her smile into her present life. And like some plague, it slowly devours her.
She can't breathe....
They say time heals everything, but I'm still waiting.