Too Late

Hot tears full of makeup fall off her face as she falls to her knees. It never failed this was one place that always was witness to her raw emotion. She couldn't help it..something about this place screamed safe. solace. surrender. On her lips always was forgiveness, love, compassion. But what she really wanted to say was it was too late to apologize. Not that he ever would-but that's what she really wanted to say to him. She wants to hurt him with her words like he hurt her.But she won't. She never would-she would always give him the benefit of the doubt...it was just the person she was.
"I'm so over it" she thinks to herself...but then it catches up with her. The lewd glances...the disgusting comments. What kind of coward would do that to his baby girl. The fear. Uncertainty for tomorrow. feeling sick.
He never seemed to answer her one simple question, why? It was as if it was too hard for him to even fathom. She thinks to herself, he's never faced hard obstacles. He isn't dealing with what she has to deal with on a daily basis-if he knew then he would have never treated her like that. Like something to walk on...like just because she was his little girl that he could.
It took an eternity for her to get past the fact that he wouldn't even confess that he hurt her. But she's over it. At least on her way there.
She's got arms reaching out to her from everywhere...desiring to help. calling out to her. Showing her a real FATHERS love. What it means to be loved and cared for. Sure she still hurts....still feels sick-but now she isn't alone-for once.
She can't stay silent anymore. As embarrassing and hard as it is...the words just seem to fall out of her mouth. She tries to catch them...but you can't take them back once they are out. And in alot of aspects she is releaved they are out....this load she has been carrying isn't hers alone anymore.
And where is he you might ask? Standing alone...sinking into a dark locale...a place that goes no where. Loosing a daughter-and never once knowing what he could have had....not caring. Still hurting. Even if they could reach some comity of some sort...that would be nice. That's not possible...
She sees his intentions from a distance. She won't allow him to hurt her anymore. She consumes herself with Love Letter that speak of a new kind of love. a Perfect Love. For far too long she has shut out the only Father that really mattered.
But she won't anymore. Even though waves of apprehension seem to fill her and bring her to tears...she will live out her faith so that maybe one day she will believe it's there. She will sallow the lump in her throat and ignore the butterflies in the pit of her stomach. She will push forward because she knows she was created for so much more than this.