Chasing Dreams

Laying there in the early dim of the day, she chases dreams. In her mind, she can see her. A beautiful woman with salt and pepper hair and a smile so lush and full you would think it never ended. She, in a lot of aspects, dreams of her the way she remembers her…not the way she is now. With a blank stare and eyes pleading with you to take away the pain. But for some reason she is still confined to this wheel chair…this thing the girl has come to loath. She sits there in a red and blue night gown. The gown is full of sail boats….each going on their own separate voyage. Searching for adventure. In reality, the gown, before it had seemingly found its way to the trash heap, had been tattered and well worn. Like a blanket to a young child, this night gown was the womans favorite nighty. But in her dream this gown was perfect…..like the way she envisions this lady. Sure it had seen it’s day and it’s now worn…..but in retrospect, in her eyes she would always be perfect.
She sees her and runs towards her like her life depends on it…in a way it does. She rushes towards her latching on to her not wanting to ever let go. They both shed tears. She can feel her warm hands embracing her….hands that when she was a kid were so warm to hold on to during a prayer. Right before the prayer was over she would squeeze your hand as if to say “I’m glad you’re here child, you mean the world to me.” Now her hands are cold and she can’t figure why. So she resorts to dreams to keep it alive, so when she goes to visit her, she doesn’t let her down. So that she can smile the whole time and let her know she isn’t alone. She is still needed.
Now the girl hears about days filled with checkers, bingo and visting churches. It seems roles have been reversed. This beautiful lady that sits here in this drab place used to watch with gleaming eyes as the young girl would dress up and dance to Lawerence Welk. She was the care giver……it isn’t supposed to be like this-she is STILL needed! Why does she feel like she is talking to the wind?
She wakes up…chest heaving. Not wanting to leave her chosen reality, but in awe of how real the dream was. She’s confused.
She recalls talking to her on the phone, just the night before. The one statement that stuck to her the most from the call and the dream….
“I love you soo much dear.” My grandmother said, nearly bringing me to tears.